eating

I'm not eating these days. While I vaguely remember going through a similar thing after C's birth, I'm pretty sure it was in the earliest days of his life and I got over it rather quickly.

I'm especially glad my mom will be here in a couple weeks because she will cook all the meals and even hold the baby so I have no excuse not to eat.

For the last 2 days, DH has come home after 9PM and I've realized the last thing I ate was breakfast around 7. And somehow I wondered why the weight has been melting off?

Intellectually, I know it's not healthy. But, I can't eat while L cries, and she only wants to be held by me non-stop when she's awake -- which is pretty much all day. This one doesn't need much sleep it appears. The effort of creating meals is pretty much devoted to the boys, and even if I make myself something -- if she's been crying while I prepare it, I can't eat it because I'm sick to my stomach.

And everything these days is from scratch -- where even a few months ago we would eat out or grab fast food -- our budget won't allow that kind of waste at the moment. Cooking from scratch is labor-intensive and . . . I keep writing excuses, don't I?

I need to eat. I need to just plan out meals (that include me!) and make them happen.

(I'm drinking plenty. And I am eating some. But I realize my caloric intake is too low at the moment. I make sure my boys eat regularly and well, and I feed L on demand. I'm not neglecting anyone but myself. I just want to make that clear in case anyone had concern about my children.)